Charles Oh: Professional T.V. Review: Moonlight

I saw like all of the Moonlight series premiere tonight. Goddamn that shit was good. Great writing, great acting, great story, great tension, great humor. They should still try to incorporate a real superhero character, though.

Moonlight stars Alex O'Loughlin, Sophia Myles, Jason Dohring, Shannyn Sossamon, Benjamin Benitez, Bill Parks, Brian J. White, and Tami Roman. Written by Chip Johannessen, Ron Koslow, and Trevor Munson, and Executive Produced by Joel Silver. It airs Friday nights at 9pm on CBS.

Concrete Blonde, "Everybody Knows"

(as heard in Pump Up The Volume starring Christian Slater as Hard Dick Harry)

Everybody knows the dice are loaded, everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over, everybody knows that the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight is fixed, the poor stay poor and the rich get rich that's how it goes
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows that the boat is sinking, everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody's got this broken feeling, like their momma or their dog just died
Everybody's hands are in their pockets, everybody wants a box of chocolates and a long stem rose
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows, everybody knows.
Thats how it goes.
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows that it's now or never, everybody knows that it's me or you
Everybody knows that you live forever, when you had a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten, Old Black Joe still pickin' cotton for ribbons and bows
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows you love me baby, everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful, give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you been discrete, so many people you had to meet without your clothes
And everybody knows.
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows.
That's the way it goes.
Everybody knows.

(that's love bebeh... that's love...)

Ingrid Michaelson, "The Way I Am"

(as heard in the Old Navy commercial)

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.
Cuz I love the way you say good morning. And you take me the way I am.
If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.
Cuz I love the way you call me baby. And you take me the way I am.
I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.
Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise. And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

(that's love bebeh... that's love...)

Charles Oh: Professional T.V. Review: Reaper

I caught like four minutes of that half-assed piss-poor piece of shit series premiere of Reaper tonight. Goddamn that shit was boring. They need to incorporate... yeah... you know...

Charles Oh: Professional T.V. Review: Bionic Woman

I saw like half of the Bionic Woman series premiere tonight. Goddamn that shit was boring. They need to incorporate a real superhero character.

Why Britney Spears Must Die.

It's the only way.
Much like why Tupac Shakur had to die to become the legendary street poet he is, Britney Spears must die for a similar reason. People may contend that the beginning of the de-evolution of humanity(primarily, America's), began with the outting of President Bill Clinton's sexual affairs. It did not. The de-evolution of humanity began when a perky-chested pop singer named Britney Spears took the front seat of a media roller-coaster with her smash hit, "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Since then, the former Disney Mouseketeer has dominated both tabloid and legitimate newsmedia despite meriting it. She was just as big in the headlines when she got married and had her baby as she is now, train-wrecking her life with more baby-momma drama issues then an Eminem song. Many people wonder, "what's going on in America?", "what's wrong with America?", and "will America ever be like it once was?"(I assume this means having some sort of value).
The answer to these questions is "who knows," but I firmly believe that the actual and physical death of Britney Spears will signify a step in the right direction. Believe me, I'm not a callous human being. I'm not someone who seriously goes around wishing for people to die, but in the case of Ms. Britney Spears-- it must go down. I happen to be a big believer in symbolism, and seeing Britney Spears lowered into a casket will do much good for the world.
1. It will scare young girls into not following her path down self-destructive behavior.
2. It will platinum sales her records.
3. It will signify the death of the harbinger that started the de-evolution of humanity and
4. It will give you something to talk about at the water cooler.
So, while so-called psuedo celebrities stand before cameras and wish Britney "the best," I sit here lonely in my darkened room typing on my laptop that I wish her the worst. Listen Britney, it's for the best. I urge you Ms. Spears to keep downing your drugs and alcohol(preferrably together), and help this country get back in the right direction. I believe that Britney Spears' death will also bring about an end to the war in Iraq. I don't know how, but it will.
Callous? Maybe.
Cruel? Arguably.
But just as the old adage goes, sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette. Seacrest, out.

Charles Oh: Professional T.V. Review: Heroes: Season 2

I saw like half of the Heroes season premiere the other night. Goddamn that shit was boring. They need to incorporate a real superhero character.

simplicity = brilliance

Two Things:

1. It's time for a new adventure.
2. I was walking like a fag today.
3. I unloaded a massive dump this morning(all solids).
4. That was actually three things.
5. Or is it now four
6. Now it's six.
7. No more two things.
8. Shut up now.
9. Now it's nine.

LOL!

http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=ap-simpsonquestioned&prov=ap&type=lgns

LOL!! LOL! LOL!!

Celebrities Skinned

The newest entertainment newsmagazine to hit the airwaves is nothing like the old. TMZ Tv is Hollywood's newest pirhana and its teeth are sharply tearing away at fresh celebrity flesh. TMZ Tv hit the airwaves September 10, 2007 with a scathing claw, yanking celebrities off their pedestals and tearing their skin off one layer at a time. While shows like Entertainment Tonight and Extra! chap their lips kissing ass and sucking dick, TMZ breaks all the old rules and has created new ones. Celebrities are no longer untouchable and, for all the years of worship and groveling done at their feet-- it's time for a jolting reality check. With a staff and inside sources as ubiquitous as the CIA, TMZ has just made a town notorious for chewing up souls a little scared of getting bitten.

Harvey Levin is creator, executive producer, and managing editor of TMZ Tv, and can also be seen on The People's Court.

REMEMBER THIS HAIRCUT, CLOONEY?!? HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE KNOWN?? IT WAS GAY THEN AND IT'S GAY NOW!! YEEEAAARRGGH!!!

further adventures in chatroom terrorism.

hornymonk has entered
hornymonk: listen dont take this the wrong way
hornymonk: but @@@@ u all i hope u go to hell
hornymonk: no offense
hornymonk: ok listen i've had time to think over some of the stuff i said earlier
hornymonk: ive matured
hornymonk: so i just want to say @@@@ u all i hope u go to hell
hornymonk: no offense
hornymonk: ok the truth of the matter is i didnt really mean that
hornymonk: my anger comes from a deeper place
hornymonk: and i directed it at u mistakenly
hornymonk: i apologize
hornymonk: and also, @@@@ u all i hope u go to hell
hornymonk: ok, look
hornymonk: its clear i am projecting anger from elsewhere at all of u
hornymonk: so @@@@ u all i hope u go to hell
hornymonk: ok first of all i didnt really mean that
hornymonk: secondly i promise not to say it anymore
hornymonk: thirdly, @@@@ u all i hope u go to hell
thickbill: hell aint a bad place to be
hornymonk: @@@@ u i hope u go there
hornymonk: i hope u go there now
thickbill: can i finish my coffee first?
hornymonk: no
hornymonk: now @@@@ u/go to hell
hornymonk: listen im sorry i didnt really mean that
hornymonk: ive been having a bad day
thickbill: ya ya now u go to hell etc
hornymonk: @@@@ u i hope u go to hell
hornymonk: im not quite sure that im making myself clear
hornymonk: @@@@!
hornymonk: U ALL...
hornymonk: I HOPE
hornymonk: THAT U ALL...
hornymonk: GO
hornymonk: TO
hornymonk: HELL
hornymonk: still not sure i was clear enough
talltaleteller: anyone want to chat?
hornymonk: i do
hornymonk: @@@@ u, by the way, and go to hell
talltaleteller: i dont think chatting is for you
talltaleteller: maybe you should go take a nap
hornymonk: maybe u should @@@@ u and go to hell
talltaleteller: public schools let you down huh?
hornymonk: yes
hornymonk: now @@@@ u and go to hell
talltaleteller: maybe you can go to night correspondence school and get the diploma you always wanted
hornymonk: maybe u can @@@@ u and go to hell
hornymonk: u know i am just joking right?
talltaleteller: me too
talltaleteller: lol
hornymonk: good
hornymonk: now @@@@ u and go to hell

Dearest Persiphone

Dearest Persiphone,

These past few weeks have been amazing. I feel as though I've found in you a person whom I have truly connected with and with whom my heart has grown so attached that it would die if let go. I've searched these past few days for how to truly let you know how I've begun to feel about you, and because poetry, language, and music is not especially my thing, I have gone with many opinions and advice from friends and peers and have searched high and low for words that best explain my affinity for you. Kid Rock's latest single, "So Hott" seems to encapture my emotions for you to the fullest, and therefore it is these words that I send to you... and your heart:

You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex.
I can tell that you're trouble but I'm still obsessed.
Because you know you're so hot, I want to get you alone.
So hot.
I want to get you stoned.
So hot.
I don't want to be your friend, I want to fuck you like I'm never going to see you again.
Well, come on.
You're like the kiss of death, the hand of faith.
I can tell you're trouble but I still want a taste.
You're so hot.
I want to get you alone.
So hot.
I want to get you stoned.
So hot.
I don't want to be your friend, I want to fuck you like I'm never going to see you again.

It is with these words I figuratively kneel before you... and ask for your hand in marriage. I hope you know that my heart is as pure as my(and Kid Rock's) words, and that when I say that I want to get you alone, get you stoned, and fuck you like I'm never going to see you again, it is with the full and utmost sincerety of a man in love. I hope to hear your response soon after you read this, until then...

Vote for this Bitch.

I had an ephiphany today: I'm going to vote for Hillary.
I was watching a news report on Barak Obama and realized there were more things about him that I didn't like than her. If you look into Obama's eyes, you see something. I'm not sure what it is, but it's something I don't like. I think it is the possibility of trouble.
Any man still virile enough to have sex is a risk in the White House. George W. Bush is a limp-dick whiskey-brained puppet shill for ________. I don't think he'd fall to the temptation of sex because it'd be usurped by his fear of Laura. Bush's libido was replaced by his desire to be a man, hence his power complex. Any man still virile enough to have sex is a risk in the White House. Barak Obama, John Edwards, Rudy Giuliani-- all still virile enough. I would sell all my secrets for a one-night threesome with Jessica Simpson and Jessica Biel and I believe they would too. Hillary Clinton wouldn't. When you look into Hillary Clinton's eyes, all you see is one thing:
Hillary Clinton is a bitch.
But being a bitch is okay, especially if you're the president. If Hillary Clinton walked into my White House bedroom and found Jessica Simpson and Jessica Biel rotating seats on my penis, she'd throw the two of them out, make me scrub my dick, and send me to bed without supper. To top it off, she's a mom-bitch. That's even better.
I don't think certain parts of America would support a female presidential candidate, and I believe these parts outnumber the parts that would. But sometimes you just gotta believe and support. Come November 2008, barring some kind of egregious turn of events, Hillary Clinton for President in '08!

You Got Me Saying Hey Oh, I'm Tired of Using Technology...

(Why don't you sit down on top of me)
i had an incredible dream last night. one of those dreams that stay with you and make you feel like you've been enlightened by some higher power. the dream took place during the day, and i was walking down a street with comic actor jack black. it was an unknown street, kind of grey and ghetto like the streets of north hollywood or burbank. anyhow, jack suddenly turned to face me, lied down on his back, rolled both his legs up over his head and began to spread his anus wide open. wide enough for me to catch a glimpse of some of his internal organs. he began shouting something but i could not hear it over my yells of, "that shit isn't funny anymore." the one thing i remember so distinctly, though, was the stench emitting from his spread-open anus. i don't recall ever "smelling" a pungeant stench in a dream before. needless to say, it was the most pungeant anus stench you could ever smell. kind of like the smell emitted from a warm heap of dog shit on a cold rainy day. actually, it was more like the smell of your own asshole when you catch a whiff of it after wiping your ass. but stronger. anyway, the dream jumped from that scene to a scene where a bunch of disabled adults were being transported in a shuttle van somewhere and they all started vomitting uncontrollably. the thing was, all the passengers in the shuttle(about three or four) all kept announcing they were going to vomit by saying the word, "ship." like some kind of juvenile party game, they would say "ship" and then vomit. one passenger's vomit triggered another to vomit, and so on and so forth. i woke up feeling like i had been touched by the hand of God.