Why Britney Spears Must Die.
It's the only way.
Much like why Tupac Shakur had to die to become the legendary street poet he is, Britney Spears must die for a similar reason. People may contend that the beginning of the de-evolution of humanity(primarily, America's), began with the outting of President Bill Clinton's sexual affairs. It did not. The de-evolution of humanity began when a perky-chested pop singer named Britney Spears took the front seat of a media roller-coaster with her smash hit, "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Since then, the former Disney Mouseketeer has dominated both tabloid and legitimate newsmedia despite meriting it. She was just as big in the headlines when she got married and had her baby as she is now, train-wrecking her life with more baby-momma drama issues then an Eminem song. Many people wonder, "what's going on in America?", "what's wrong with America?", and "will America ever be like it once was?"(I assume this means having some sort of value).
The answer to these questions is "who knows," but I firmly believe that the actual and physical death of Britney Spears will signify a step in the right direction. Believe me, I'm not a callous human being. I'm not someone who seriously goes around wishing for people to die, but in the case of Ms. Britney Spears-- it must go down. I happen to be a big believer in symbolism, and seeing Britney Spears lowered into a casket will do much good for the world.
1. It will scare young girls into not following her path down self-destructive behavior.
2. It will platinum sales her records.
3. It will signify the death of the harbinger that started the de-evolution of humanity and
4. It will give you something to talk about at the water cooler.
So, while so-called psuedo celebrities stand before cameras and wish Britney "the best," I sit here lonely in my darkened room typing on my laptop that I wish her the worst. Listen Britney, it's for the best. I urge you Ms. Spears to keep downing your drugs and alcohol(preferrably together), and help this country get back in the right direction. I believe that Britney Spears' death will also bring about an end to the war in Iraq. I don't know how, but it will.
Callous? Maybe.
Cruel? Arguably.
But just as the old adage goes, sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette. Seacrest, out.
Much like why Tupac Shakur had to die to become the legendary street poet he is, Britney Spears must die for a similar reason. People may contend that the beginning of the de-evolution of humanity(primarily, America's), began with the outting of President Bill Clinton's sexual affairs. It did not. The de-evolution of humanity began when a perky-chested pop singer named Britney Spears took the front seat of a media roller-coaster with her smash hit, "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Since then, the former Disney Mouseketeer has dominated both tabloid and legitimate newsmedia despite meriting it. She was just as big in the headlines when she got married and had her baby as she is now, train-wrecking her life with more baby-momma drama issues then an Eminem song. Many people wonder, "what's going on in America?", "what's wrong with America?", and "will America ever be like it once was?"(I assume this means having some sort of value).
The answer to these questions is "who knows," but I firmly believe that the actual and physical death of Britney Spears will signify a step in the right direction. Believe me, I'm not a callous human being. I'm not someone who seriously goes around wishing for people to die, but in the case of Ms. Britney Spears-- it must go down. I happen to be a big believer in symbolism, and seeing Britney Spears lowered into a casket will do much good for the world.
1. It will scare young girls into not following her path down self-destructive behavior.
2. It will platinum sales her records.
3. It will signify the death of the harbinger that started the de-evolution of humanity and
4. It will give you something to talk about at the water cooler.
So, while so-called psuedo celebrities stand before cameras and wish Britney "the best," I sit here lonely in my darkened room typing on my laptop that I wish her the worst. Listen Britney, it's for the best. I urge you Ms. Spears to keep downing your drugs and alcohol(preferrably together), and help this country get back in the right direction. I believe that Britney Spears' death will also bring about an end to the war in Iraq. I don't know how, but it will.
Callous? Maybe.
Cruel? Arguably.
But just as the old adage goes, sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette. Seacrest, out.
posted by charles oh at 8:07 PM
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