blaggabooboo

STAY OFF THE DRUGS. THERE'S A TURD IN MY OATMEAL! BRINGIN DA NOISE, BRINGIN DA FUNK. LOVELY LADY LUMPS. HEY BATTA BATTA BATTA. OKAY, I LIED-- I SHIT IN MY OATMEAL. BRING ME SOME MO FUNK. DIARRHEA PTTH PTTH. MASTURBATE THIS! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN CLEAVAGE SO DEEP IT HOUSED SPELUNKERS? GOLDEN NUGGETS OF BROWN FECALITY. DERELICTS IN SPACE. MAD DRAMA, DUDE, MAAAAD DRAAAAMAAAA! ORIGAMI. KAMA SUTRA. BELLADONNA. FATWAH. PRIMA DONNA. SANDY KOUFAX. HOOK IT UP. BURY THE HATCHET... ALONG WITH THE BODY. YOU DIRTY MAMALUKE. I FARTED AND I CAN'T GET UP. ANTI-OXIDENTS. SUPER-POLI-GRIP. ANTI-BACTERIAL SOAP. FUNGI. RINGWORM. PSORIASIS. CALL ME, I'M LARRY H. PARKER AND I'LL FIGHT FOR YOU. DAVID GREY AND ASSOCIATES. THE COCHRAN FIRM. LARRY PARKER GOT ME... YOU KNOW THE STORY. DEGENERATE PINBALLING. ACT LIKE YOU KNOW.

some people call me a pig cuz i like jessica simpson's boobs.
oink oink.

Oscar.

The 78th Annual Academy Awards took place over the weekend. In case you missed it, here's a wrap-up of the results:


Best Supporting Actress in a Dramatic Role:

Annie Potts, as "Janice" in Ghostbusters

Best Supporting Actor in a Dramatic Role:

Judge Reinhold, as "Kevin" in Vice Versa

Best Actress in a Lead, Dramatic Role:

Jessica Alba, in Honey

Best Actor in a Lead, Dramatic Role:

Jean Claude Van Damme, in Timecop

Best Actress in a Comedy, Musical or Variety:

Tiffany Amber-Thiessen, Son-In-Law

Best Actor in a Comedy, Musical or Variety:

Val Kilmer, Batman

Best Film of the Year:

Mystic Pizza


As you can see there were no real big upsets and all the critics' favorites went home with the gold. There were no real standout moments from the telecast either, except for maybe when Ashton Kutcher presented the award for Best Screenplay Adaptation to George Clooney for Syriana and then George Clooney came up and slipped on the podium and cracked his skull open then started bleeding all over the pulpit. Ashton tore off a piece of his Versace jacket to stop the bleeding and accidentally exposed his left nipple causing a huge wardrobe malfunction controversy and then Tori Spelling accidentally sneezed in her seat and pooped out a little. Other than that it was pretty drab.

i had sex with a goat today. i received.

i got in a fist fight with an old lady today. she won.

equivalencies.

asking a guy if he's gay is like asking a girl if she's a slut. it's an honest question, but the recipient feels totally offended.

the issue of a guy's dick size is the equivalent of a girl's chest: there's a lot of pressure to have a big one but some know how to work with what they got.

there's a lot of pressure on guys to get laid. there's a lot of pressure on girls to have a boyfriend. if you're female and you don't have a boyfriend, there must be something wrong with you. if you're a guy and you're not getting laid... etcetera, etcetera.