wonderful bartender

wonderful bartender, you will be missed. call it a crush or call me a lush-- whatever the case, the drinks you served quite amply FUCKED ME UP. good luck to you wherever you go. wherever it is will have just acquired a pro. a local bar fixture, so sad is today. who will make my adioses the wonderful bartender way? every drink that i drink will have me reminiscing no doubt, when they fail to do me, like the way yours turned me out. call me a lush or call it a crush, who thought i'd get so sad about the only chick that fucked me up.

Weeeeee!

Weeeee! I'm freeeeeee! Weeeeeeee! Weeeeeeeeee!

jesus getting hit on by a horny woman at a bar.

horny woman: hey good lookin'! what's your name!
jesus: mine? my name is jesus.
horny woman: coool. you from around here?
jesus: i am from... here, yes.
horny woman: coool. care to buy me a drink?
jesus: i would but... i have no money. nor do i advocate excessive consumption of alcohol.
horny woman: oh, you're one of "those!" what the hell you doing here, then?
jesus: i just wandered in... for a meal.
horny woman: you can't eat the damn food here, everything is drenched in grease!
jesus: ...oh.
horny woman: how bout you and i get the hell out of here and go get somethin' to eat back at my place! i only live up the street!
jesus: i would be utterly appreciative.
horny woman: hold on, let me close out my tab!

(later. night. back at her apartment)

jesus: oh!
horny woman: oh, i'm sorry! was that your thigh! ha!
jesus: oh, you are holding on to it.
horny woman: that ain't all i'm plannin' to hold on to, if you know what i mean!
jesus: oh! i do not know... this does not feel right...
horny woman: that's cuz we ain't nekkid yet!
jesus: oh! but you said i was to come with you for a meal?
horny woman: jesus baby, you cum with me and i'll give you more than a little somethin' to eat, if you know what i mean!
jesus: oh! please! do not touch me there!
horny woman: what's a matter, baby? you a gay?
jesus: oh! that feels... incorrect!
(jesus runs out the door)
horny woman: come back here! where you going!?!

jesus @ social services.

social worker: (reading information) come in, have a seat, mr.-- christ?
jesus: (sitting) yes, that is i.
social worker: (reading) so from what i see here, it says you have never met your father?
jesus: well, not in that sense.
social worker: has he ever supported you in any way?
jesus: my father is your father, and he supports all of us in every way possible.
social worker: riiiight. what about financially? has your father ever given you any money, paid for your school, put you through college?
jesus: no.
social worker: okay, where is your father now? do you have any idea?
(jesus raises both arms up, palms up, as if to gesture "everywhere")
social worker: mr. christ do you do any kind of drugs at all?
jesus: my body is pure.
social worker: well, from what i can assess here, you are eligible to receive social security benefits under clause B.I. 19, individual hardship grant.
jesus: i did not wish to come here... but i was not aware of this "rent" thing here.
social worker: riiight. i'm going to give you a bunch of forms for you to fill out. please fill them out and return them as soon as possible, okay? that way, you can start receiving your benefits right away.
jesus: bless you my sister.
social worker: it was a pleasure. any other questions?
jesus: no. bless you fully and lovingly.
social worker: try to find a job mr. christ, it'll make things a lot easier for you.
jesus: my job is to help humanity.
social worker: so is mine. try to find one that pays.
(jesus, waving arms, exits).

jesus job interview.

jesus: i am son of our lord, savior for all of humanity. i shalt die for thou sins.


subway manager: um, yeah. do you have experience doing customer service?
jesus: what? i serve all of mankind.
subway manger: do you know how to make a blt?
jesus: what is this... "blt?"
subway manager: a bacon, lettuce, and tomato.
jesus: i know not of this.
subway manager: we offer paid training and flexible hours.
jesus: i know not of this. do you know of the lord?
subway manager: why are you here?
jesus: my rent is due.
subway manager: when can you start?
jesus: i can start whenever he calls upon me.
subway manager: do you know how to fill out a timecard?
jesus: i know not of this "timecard."
subway manager: thank you for coming in. i'll review your application and be in touch with you.
jesus: i have nothing but unconditional love for you and all of your kind.
subway manager: please get out now.

larr y forten;;[skky

that's hot.

good to see paris is doing well.

free paris!

no don't free paris hilton but why does everyone hate paris so much i mean sure she's rich and famous but who would not want to be rich and famous i would be content just living above the poverty line sure she had lots of public sexual encounters but they were not really public she was just doing what she was doing and it came across the public's attention via sextapes the way i see it she was doing society a civil service i must have jacked off at least ten or twelve times to at least three of her videos oh well anyway i don't see why she is such a target for hate when she's never even killed anybody or molested anyone except those in her videos who were willing participants and maybe she has killed people but not that i'm aware of but she seems harmless just a young, rich, spoiled, rich girl who is out living the life of every other young, rich, spoiled, rich girl(or boy) and you don't see them releasing sex tapes for us to enjoy ourselves to i must admit i do have one major complain about her though i sure do wish she had bigger titties oh yes mm hmm yum yum biggo biggo dubble deez yum yum oh yes biggo biggo dubble deezies free paris no don't free paris but leave her alone and let her do her time

individual concepts of learning and pedagology

lesbian lawyers... proverbial food stamps... demented jellyfish... TB ON THE AIRPLANES!... illegal cockfighting... legal gay marriages... labia smash wars... TUBERCULOSIS ON THE AIRPLANES!... bringin da noise bringin da funk... mastubatory hand cramps... scratched cd covers... melted vinyl drippings... sun-warped 8-track cassette deck players... furniture made of wicker... indoor habitual smokers... insurance nightmare waiting to happen... empty manilla folders... gay hunk calendar shots... firefighters on acid... eskimos masturbating in igloos... polar ice-cap penis drip-off... shnizzle shnazzle... desktop compatibility... goddamn ven diagrams... TUBERCULOSIS ON AIRPLANES! dieting monkeys in designer gowns