underline.

chuckfucious always say: "probably not the best idea... but since when do i do what's best for me?"

vivalarevolucion.

the revolution is coming, or mad rantings of a deluded maniac


the revolution is coming, haven't you heard? of course not, no one speaks of it. word is spread only through fleeting eye-contact and imperceptible head nods.

what is the revolution? i can't tell you, mainly because i don't know. no one does. we just know it's coming. and it's going to be big. how big? like change-the-destiny-of-humankind-and-society-forever big. yeah, pretty big.

you must prepare. how can you prepare? you can't, but there are a few things you can do that will help you die less quickly once it arrives.

first, you must exercise. not just your body, but your mind, spirit, soul, joints, flexibility, and genitals. everything. and i don't just mean doing twenty minutes of squats while watching jersey shore. you have to be in tip-top shape. you have to a specimen. don't neglect your cardio. cardio may very well be the most important factor in you staving off death once the revolution hits.

reading is good. some say it's fundamental. reading things like the art of war or eat this, not that are only positive. anything that exercises your mind and makes it sharpen will be an asset. if you've never taken trigonometry or calculus, now would be a good time to purchase a textbook and learn it on your own. i'm not saying trig or calc will be important when the revolution comes, i'm just saying sharpen your mind. any way, every way, and holiday. forget that i said holiday, i was just looking for something that rhymed.

making money will be an asset as well. money won't save you or prevent you from dying, but having money will be a valuable resource. it will rank third in importance behind mental and physical acumen.

having a reliable vehicle will rank up there as well. if your vehicle is fast, tank-like or durable, these will be in your favor. you never know if you may have to drive across a desert while being carpet-bombed by RPG-weilding saudi nazis.

deodorant will be important as well. only for the obvious reasons.

let's see, what else. did i mention-- oh yeah, i did. let's see...

i told you the revolution will change humanity as we know it, right? well, it's worth mentioning again. as. we. know. it!

speaking as many languages as possible will be a valuable commodity, especially if you speak spanish, chinese or english with a british accent. if you can't be bothered learning other languages or can't afford rosetta stone, it would be of intrinsic value to you to google translate certain important phrases and learn them. phrases like:

i am part of the resistance, do you know where i can buy some sheep?

where is the restroom?

both arms up in the air! now!

who do you work for?

there is a microchip implanted in your head. the people who put it there are stealing your thoughts. please close your eyes and clear your mind as i abduct you for the safety of our planet.

jump!

the revolution is coming. you think i'm joking or an idiot but you'll be sorry when it hits. i'm preparing now as we speak. well, maybe not right at this moment but i will be soon. and technically we're not speaking but whatever, you know what i mean. being nit-picky will be of no value during the revolution.

Ernest Hemlingway.

Newly discovered memoirs of writer Ernest Helmingway have been discovered and released for immediate publication. Here is a small sample to whet your appetite:

"...my nuthairs have not been growing back as stealthily as they once did in my youth..."

Pensive.

Goddamn, I love my hometown.