FUCK YOUR MOTHER!

why do men shiver when they piss

Lloyd, "You"

This ain't just a game, these ain't just words that I'm spittin'. If you could see the thoughts that's in my head... I ain't trippin', I'm a playa that is true, but I'll change the game for you. I'm trying to see what it do. Can I be for real, this is how I feel. I'm in need for love, so let's dip up out of here. Ooh you're just my type, everything's alright and I just wanna chill... so let's dip up out of here... she's fine too, but I want you...

Silversun Pickups, "Lazy Eye"

I've been waiting i've been waiting for this moment all my life but it's not quite right
i've been waiting i've been waiting for this silence all night long it's just a matter of time
everyone's so intimately rearranged everyone can focus clearly with such shine
everyone's so intimately rearranged everyone can focus clearly with such shine

Some Friendly Advice.

every now and again you need to go out and get FUCKING TWISTED. you need to get so hammered you SHIT YOUR FUCKING PANTS AND DONT GIVE A WANG. you need to sit back, relax, SMOKE A GANG OF WEED and take a few sips of THE STRONGEST GODDAMN ALCOHOL MONEY CAN BUY. you need to lean back, relax, take your mind off your worries and FUCKING OBLITERATE AS MANY BRAIN CELLS AS POSSIBLE AT ONE SITTING. you need to get so FUCKING RIPPED YOU START YELLING OFFENSIVE REMARKS AT PASSING STRANGERS REGARDLESS OF HOW BIG AND VIOLENT THEY APPEAR. you need to THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND FUCK YOUR BRAIN. you need to feel the HARD PENIS OF A MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCE PENETRATE YOUR CEREBRAL CORTEX AND PUSH DEEP INTO YOUR MEDULLA OBLONGATA. you need to FEEL THE HARD COCK OF WASTEDNESS PUMP DEEP AND HARD INTO YOUR BRAIN, CAUSING YOUR MIND TO GET FUCKED. sometimes, you just need to RAPE A FARM ANIMAL. friends... you need to relax.

K-9 Dog Academy.

bouts of depression... extreme mood disorders... misplaced frustration... detrimental inward emotional explosions... psycho-somatic obsessive neurosis... mildly psychotic depressive elements... permeating instances of painful self-consciousness... overwhelming bouts of paranoid denial... self-inflicted emotional mutilation... weak-willed insufficient suicidal tendencies... depressing states of inner tranquility... angry displaced exaggerated love-crushes... hallucinogenic daydreams of failed self-grandeur... carpal tunnel of the soul... fifteen minutes of fame.

hi my name is butthair.

do you know how gross butthair is? why do we have butthair? i understand eyelashes, they are evolutionary growths to protect the eye but why do we have butthair? what is butthair protecting the butthole from? do you know how gross butthair is? it's very gross. why do we have eyebrows? why do we have butthair? why does hair grow from our butt? even monkeys have hair everywhere except the butt. why do we have small, fine hairs growing around and about our anus? what purpose do those hairs serve, except to get fecal matter smeared all over them when defecating? what is the point of butthair's existence? do you know how gross butthair is?

hi my name is booger.

this guy asked me today what i do for a living. i told him. he asked how i got into it. i said i looked for it. how lucky am i

carrots

carrots should come pre-washed for the heterosexual males who feel uncomfortable with the feeling and motions required when washing them. i can no longer say that i don't know how it feels to jerk off a rock hard cock under warm running water, a feeling and sensation i would have like to have gone through my entire life without experiencing