You can't fuck with this guy. I don't mean to write so much about him, but if I was a homosexual I'd definitely be jacking off to his games repeatedly. He's like superhuman. He has this thing in him, this drive, this thirst. His mental will is something to be picked apart and studied. His determination to win and his insatiable appetite to compete is visible in his unblinking glare. On this night, the twenty-eighth of April 2008, his team just won four straight victories against an opponent in the first round of the NBA's Western Conference Playoffs. His team struggled, but he carried them in the closing minutes hitting one clutch shot after another. His defender pushed, slapped, smacked, and physically abused him for four straight games. He even tried to antagonize this guy into altercations. Time and time again this guy walked away. He didn't even turn and humor it. It wasn't that he was afraid, it was that he was focused. Like a martial arts fighter meditating before a fight, he was in a perfect zen-like state of trance. In this last game, during the last minutes, his defender fouled out. His defender's replacement fouled out, seconds after replacing him, and seconds after that their third replacement fouled out while guarding this guy. You can't fuck with this guy. He's unfuckwithable. Earlier, when his first defender was pushing, shoving, grabbing, and talking shit, he just turned and faced him with a smirk. Like, you can't get in my head. And that's why I'm in yours. Unfuckwithable.

chill.

i don't know what's better, sunday nights or saturday afternoons.

Primrose.

Primrose, you're such a fucking spook. If it wasn't for your beautiful face I'd smash it in with a hammer. Your black wardrobe and stylish goatee makes me want to be your friend but only if I know you hate me. There isn't anything in this world that could change my mind about you. If you were the last person on Earth, I'd make it my duty to hunt you down. Primrose, you're like the greatest thing since Ebola. There's so much I want to say to you but only if you don't want to listen. I'm like pouring my guts out to you and shit but all you ever do is sit there playing with your abacus. Primrose, what makes you think you're something you're not? As I sit here thinking, writing, and bleeding, all I can wonder is what the fuck your problem is. If homocide were ever legalized I would take off running to your house, knife in hand. Primrose, oh Primrose, how you've tainted me so.

Claire? Want to see a picture of a guy with elephantitus on his nuts?

AndnowawordfromoursponsorPart2...

Honesty: Stop trying to be so much to so many people.
Pierce: I'm not.

Honesty gives him a look. For several minutes...

joe mama

i saw this chick get massively fucked up on saturday. to a point where she was walking around in a stupor, needed assistance just to stand upright, and ended up throwing-up down a flight of stairs. i spoke to her a little before all that, and she seemed to have some deep-rooted problems about what she did for a living. i won't go into detail, but it was clear that she was having moral qualms with what she was required to do.

i am of the opinion that people who get that fucked up have some sort of problem that they're numbing themselves to. earlier in the night i asked her if she enjoyed what she was doing. she looked around, thought for a moment and said, "i make a lot of money and i know that i can get a job anywhere i go."

you didn't answer my question, i said. she looked around again and said, "it isn't about enjoying what you do, it's about what it gets you."

to each their own.

Flobots, "Handlebars"

I can ride my bike with no handlebars. No handlebars. No handlebars. I can ride my bike with no handlebars. No handlebars. No handlebars. Look at me, look at me, hands in the air like it's good to be alive, and I'm a famous rapper even when the paths are all crookedy. I can show you how to doe-si-doe. I can show you how to scratch a record. I can take apart the remote control and I can almost put it back together. I can tie a knot in a cherry stem. I can tell you about Leif Ericson. I know all the words to "De Colores" and "I'm Proud to be an American." Me and my friend saw a platypus. Me and my friend made a comic book. And guess how long it took? I can do anything that I want cuz, look: I can keep rhythm with no metronome. No metronome. No metronome. And I can see your face on the telephone. On the telephone. On the telephone. Look at me, look at me, just called to say that it's good to be alive in such a small world. I'm all curled up with a book to read. I can make money open up a thrift store. I can make a living off a magazine. I can design an engine sixty-four miles to a gallon of gasoline. I can make new antibiotics. I can make computers survive aquatic conditions. I know how to run a business. I can make you wanna buy a product. Movers, shakers, and producers. Me and my friends understand the future. I see the strings that control the systems. I can do anything with no assistance cuz I can lead a nation with a microphone. With a microphone. With a microphone. And I can split the atom of a molecule. Of a molecule. Of a molecule. Look at me, look at me, driving and I won't stop. And it feels so good to be alive and on top.

My reach is global. My tower, secure. My cause is noble. My power is pure.

I can hand out a million vaccinations or let them all die in exasperation. Have them all healed of their lacerations. Have them all killed by assassination. I can make anybody go to prison. Just because I don't like them. And I can do anything with no permission. I have it all under my command because I can guide a missile by satellite. By satellite. By satellite. And I can hit a target through a telescope. Through a telescope. Through a telescope. And I can end the planet in a holocaust. In a holocaust. In a holocaust. In a holocaust. In a holocaust. In a holocaust. In a holocaust...

I can ride my bike with no handlebars. No handlebars. No handlebars. I can ride my bike with no handlebars. No handlebars. No handlebars.

lo siento

i haven't blogged in a long time. good thing nobody reads this.