Flush this.

Did you know the Japanese make heated toilet seats? We, Americans, are soon to adopt them ourselves, according to a Yahoo News article. Good going at last. We are not savages. We are not neanderthals. Suffered long, have we with cold toilet seats against the back of our thighs and asses. This is not Marxist, communist Russia. Why have we been victimized by such savage bathroom behavior while the Japanese have been defecating in comfort? Bah to America, for discomforting us for so long on those cold, winter mornings, when the savage drinkings of the night before have wrecked liquid havoc on our uneasy bowels. Bah to America.