Damsel in Distress... or Big Momma's Angry Now...

Barack Obama's like The Ladies Man: a smooth talker but all he really wants is to get in your panties. He's always talking about change, but change in what? Paying for universal healthcare? Fuck that shit, I want my gynological exams done free. I'm all for a black president but not when there's a more qualified candidate.

Hillary Clinton's like the Wicked Witch of the West. Or was it East? Whatever. No one seems to like her on a personal level, but no one really seemed to like her husband on a personal level when he was president and the country seemed to be doing okay.

John McCain... who cares about John McCain. He still thinks he's in 'Nam. I don't want an eighty-something-year-old president who's found on the White House lawn at three in the morning in his underwear hiding from "the slopes." I shouldn't say that, he's a war hero. He's still an old fogey, though. Don't try to relive your glory days on my dime.